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Emonaut - The Dragonaut Thumbnail Theater
Episode 2: ISDA (I can’t believe it’s not NERV!)
(with help from Dio. Also helped in Episode one, but forgot to note that.)

*To begin this episode, we go back. Back, 20 years ago.*

Scientist: Blah blah blah technobabble blah!

Angry Guy Hey, look, a giant eye where Pluto should be.

Thanatos Hey! Hey! Earth, can you hear me? Could you please send me some eyedrops?

Sakaki Dammit. There aren’t enough eyedrops on Earth to cure THAT red eye. We’re so screwed.

*Huh. That was pointless. Welp, roll the opening theme.*

*Meanwhile, back in the present, in the ISDA base.*

Sad Jin *snort* Huh? What am I doing here? Wasn’t I just with a cute girl?

*A few hours ago…*

Toa So, I’m gonna head out so that those ISDA idiots don’t find me. Catch you later at the lighthouse, handsome.

Happy Jin Lighthouse, eh?

Toa NINJA VANISH!

Sad Jin Aww, where’d she go?

Loli Hey, you, get in the car.

Sad Jin Hey, where’d that kid with the goth loli dress come from?

Butler BUTLER APPEAR! Secret move - Knockouttheemo Palm!

Sad Jin Oh god why and today was going so well. *collapse*

Loli Tsundere HMPH!

*Back in the present*

Sad Jin Oh yeah, that’s right. Huh. I wonder who those people were… and for that matter, why am I naked?

*Meanwhile, In the ISDA Control Room*

Sakaki Why AREN’T you naked?

*Back in the room*

Sad Jin Alright, let’s see… no clothes, though I have a bed sheet, so… TOGA PARTY! And now to open this door… wait, why won’t it open?

Camera SMILE! YOU’RE ON CANDID CAMERA!

Angry Jin Oh. Oh. That is NOT COOL. HEY! LEMME OUT OF HERE!

Loli *Over speakers* Shut it, skinny. We’d like to have a word with you. We’re gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.

*Loli Enters*

Angry Jin Hey! You’re the girl who OH GOD MY TOGA IS FALLING.

Loli Insert generic condescending remark about his penis HERE. Tsundere HMPH!

*Meanwhile, elsewhere in the base*

Kazuki G… I… O… Gio? Hi, Gio! I’m Kazuki! Will you be my friend?

Gio in Ball Oh god dammit that’s a 1 and a 0, not an I and an O.

Bridge Bunny B Gio, huh? Looks like we have ourselves a name!

Scientist Lady I can dig it.

Gio in Ball Now my name is in leet. God that kid sucks.

*Meanwhile, in the bridge*

Angry Jin Thank you for returning my clothes. Now, you have 30 seconds to make your point before I get out of here and go find my hot girlfriend.

Sakaki We’ve been lying about the cause of the shuttle crash for the past two years. It wasn’t your dad’s fault, it was dragons sent by that weird eye where Pluto used to be.

Angry Jin …Dragons. Right. So, you gonna stop blaming my dad then?

Liner No can do, kiddo. Mass panic and all that.

Sakaki Now, join us! Join the Dragonauts!

Angry Jin …FUCK NO I WON’T JOIN YOU! You lie about my father, which compounds the misery I already have over my family dying by turning me into a social outcast where ever I go for the past two years, and then expect me to forgive you for no goddamn reason?! SERIOUSLY, JUST HOW DUMB ARE YOU PEOPLE!? *starts to storm off*

Kazuki Hey, everybody! Hope I’m not too late! Whoa! It’s my old buddy Jin! No way! Awesome!

…oh crap.

*A few minutes later, speeding down the freeway*

Bridge Bunny A So, we’ll be taking care of you from now on. Your mean old foster family won’t be able to ignore you when you’re not around.

Sad Jin kthnx.

Kazuki Wow, Jin, it’s really super awesome to meet after these two long years! What happened to you, anyway? Why’d you quit astronaut school?

Sad Jin My family died.

Kazuki Mmmhmm. Say, do you remember that promise we made to go into space together? What ever happened to that?

Sad Jin My family DIED.

Kazuki Yup, we totally were best friends forever. So, how about it? Why not stop moping around and join the Dragonauts with me? I’m sure they’ll make you a friend.

Angry Jin My. Family. DIED.

Kazuki Look, just because the Dragonauts were covering up the truth of your dad doesn’t mean you have to be so snippy. Oh, yeah, they told me about that when I joined. I would have told you but, hey, classified info and all that stuff. Isn’t working for the government great?

Angry Jin Kazuki? You really suck.

*Meanwhile, Back in the control room*

Liner So, do you really want Jin to be a Dragonaut, boss?

Sakaki Nah, that’s just an excuse for me to see him nak- er, I mean, for us to capture his girlfriend.

*Meanwhile, at Jin’s shiny new room*

Sad Jin Another unfamiliar ceiling. Wait, did I just say that? NO! I REFUSE TO ACT LIKE SHINJI! Hey, look, a lighthouse. Oh, wait, girlfriend. Sweet. I’m off!

Yonamine Mmmm, Cancersticks. No, Obi-wan, I DON’T want to go home and rethink my life. Oh, look an emokid. Sweet. I’m off!

*Later, at the Lighthouse*

Sad Jin Well, here I am at the lighthouse. Say, isn’t the sun setting where it rose this morning? What’s up with that? That makes no sense. Maybe… maybe this world ISN’T real! Maybe my life DOESN’T suck! Maybe-

Toa I’ve been waiting for you, stud.

Happy Jin Hello, nice lady.

*EYECATCH, GO! REMIND US WHAT SERIES WE’RE WATCHING!*

Toa Sunsets are pretty, aren’t they?

Happy Jin Wow, yes. Gee, Toa, I think you’re great. Everyone else I’ve met in the last 24 hours is either a jerk or an idiot. Hey, have you ever seen Earth from space?

Toa Why, yes. First time I saw the planet I thought it was pretty.

Happy Jin I see nothing wrong with this statement.

Camera SMILE! YOU’RE ON CANDID-

Toa No. You aren’t doing that. *nukes camera*

Happy Jin Did you say something honey?

Toa No, sweetie.

*Meanwhile, In the observation van*

Loli How irritating. Tsundere HMPH!

*Later, in the Dragonauts Dispatch Van*

Sakaki Alright, here’s the plan! Go to the city park and capture Jin’s hot girlfriend! Use of guns is authorized if needed, she’s got pink hair!

Kazuki Awww, he has a girlfriend? What about me? Why doesn’t he love ME anymore?

*Because you suck.*

Akira Hey, dude, you okay?

Amagi Yeah, kill kill stab, I’m fine, stab kill kill.

Akira Oh, okay. I trust you.

*Meanwhile, leaping roof to roof*

Howling StarMachinaButler
WE’RE NINJAS!

*Meanwhile, in the city park*

Happy Jin Here, Toa, have a soda.

Toa Okay! Hey, you probably shouldn’t hang out with the ISDA anymore, by the way.

Happy Jin Really? Why?

ISDA Soldiers: ISDA, FREEZE! DROP THE CANS AND COME QUIETLY AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT!

Scared Jin OHSHIT They’ve got guns!

Akira Now, now, little boy. Come quietly and hand over your girlfriend.

Toa CHEESE IT!

Scared Jin WHOA NELLY!

Akira Oh no you don’t! Machina, hit them with Aurora Beam!

Announcer: Machina Used Aurora Beam!

Toa Dammit! I didn’t want to get into a battle!

Announcer: Toa fled!

Toa Wait here in this forest, Jin. I’ll be back in a bit.

Sad Jin No, wait, come back! Does this mean our date is ruined? I’d better follow her. I wouldn’t want those gun-carrying mooks to catch me and use me as a hostage to draw out my hot overprotective girlfriend.

Gun Mook A: Shouldn’t we, um, be chasing them?

Gun Mook B: Nah, let the breasts handle it. Wanna go out for coffee?

*Moments later, at the docks*

Machina Get back here, little girl!

Toa Must dodge breasts OH GOD A BUTLER!

Amadeus BUTLER PUNCH!

Toa HAH! Missed!

Spirytus Payback, bitch!

Toa Huh? Who are OW!

Howling Star We have you surrounded now, Album!

Toa God my real name is stupid. Hey, your strange friend who has barely been onscreen is going crazy.

Spirytus BOOMTIME!

*EXPLOSIONS*

Scared Jin OHMYGOD TOA NOOOOO!

Kazuki No, Jin! Don’t go into the fire!

Scared Jin KAZUKI?! What are you doing here!?

Kazuki Umm… come with me into space or I’ll shoot you! You promised!

Angry Jin IS THIS REALLY THE TIME FOR THAT?! SUPERPOWERED PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING FOR NO REASON, THE BRIDGE EXPLODED FOR NO REASON, AND YOU ISDA IDIOTS ARE CHASING ME WITH GUNS FOR NO REASON!!!

Kazuki But.. but we’re best friends!

Angry Jin DEAR GOD you suck!

Amagi Shoot kill kill gun heheheh hey guys heheheheh guess what kill shoot shoot. *Shoots Jin*

Toa I WILL TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU, MY LOVE! NINJA RESCUE!

Scared Jin Whabuh? I appear to be in the sky being carried by my savior. Wait, hold on. Am I being turned into the damsel in distress all of a sudden?

Toa No need to think about that right now, handsome. Now give me a kiss.

Happy Jin SCORE! And all it took was my complete emasculation!

Howling StarMachinaAmadeus
Let us ignore our crazy comrade and continue to pursue the clueless emo kid!

Kazuki NO! BRING MY FRIEND BACK YOU STUPID GIRL! And you, Amagi! Why’d ya have to shoot my best friend?

Amagi KWAKAKAKAKA! BECAUSE I’M CRAZY! BLEHHEHEHEHEHE! I bet you NEVER suspected me! FUFUFUFUFU!

Kazuki Wait, who are you again?

Spirytus-Monster RAR! EAT PUNY SUCK-HUMAN!

Kazuki Oh, hello nice dragonman! Gimme a hug!

*Meanwhile, in the ISDA Control Room*

Bridge Bunny B Ma’am! That monster from last night is actually one of the dragons under our control! And Amagi has gone crazy!

Sakaki Who?

Bridge Bunny B I don’t know. I think hes a Dragonaut.

Scientist Lady What?! Damn! I TOLD Sakaki we should do background checks!

*Meanwhile, in the directors chair*

Ed Wood: Alright! Plan 9 wasn’t the space epic I intended it to be… but this series shall redeem me! NOW FOR THE FINAL WINNING TOUCH! RELEASE THE CGI DRAGONS!

Eragon’s Director: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Lair’s Director: NOOOOOOOOOO!

D-War’s Director: 아니오!!!!!!!!

*Meanwhile, back on the bridge*

Amagi NOW! GO, KILL EVERYONE, SPIRYTUS, AND LET ME HAVE MORE SCREENTIME!

Spirytus-Monster SPIRYTUS, SHINKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Spirytus-Dragon SPIRYTUS, DRAGON MODE!!!!

Kazuki I don’t want a hug from you anymore…

Amagi Heheheh… you suck, kid… NOW, DRAGON! LET US DESTROY THE WORLD TO-

Spirytus-Dragon CHOMP.

*Meanwhile, in the ISDA Van*

Akira Aw, shit! Amagi went crazy and was eaten! I never saw it coming!

Liner We’d better get out there right away!

Loli Why does the author keep accentuating my tsundere-ness and ignoring my other catchphrase of “dreadful?” It’s not like I’m a pointless character with a flat personality, right? TSUNDERE HMPH!

*Meanwhile, at ISDA Headquarters*

Angry Guy What the hell is this! There’s no way that crazy guy could have been evil!

*Meanwhile, at the park*

Random Person A: Hey, look, what’s that?

Random Person B: I think it’s a… a…

Random Person C: A DRAGON! A DRAGON! A DRAGON!

Random Person B: Can somebody stop this person from saying dragon?

*Anvil crushes random person C*

Random Person A and B: Thank you.

Toa Here we are Jin! Now run along, mommy and daddy need to discuss a few things. You don’t need to see this.

Sad Jin But why? That’s a dragon, right?

Toa Yes, now don’t watch. TOA, SHINKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Toa-Dragon TOA, DRAGON FORM!

Dialga Hey, Palkia, can I get that book back I lent- wait, you’re not Palkia!

Sad Jin Whabuh? Toa’s a Dragon? DOH! I’m gonna go angst in that corner now…

*And so he did. At least until the next episode starts.*