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Emonaut - The Dragonaut Thumbnail Theatre
Episode 4: How to Break into a Secret Government Facility in 6 Easy Steps

*Two years ago, a little after the tragic heartrending incident…*

TV News Anchor: On the ninth of this month, a space shuttle was destroyed because some dumbass kid’s dad made a boo boo. Why we’re reporting this now is anyones guess.

Scientist Lady Tragic incidents make me want to go on secret expeditions to tropical islands.

Atrum No… eyedrops… anywhere…

Scientist Lady Awesome, another dragon. *touches*

Atrum Gah, a girl is touching me! *vanishes*

Scientist Lady …Best. Secret Expedition Acid Trip. Ever.

*Seriously, is there ANY POINT AT ALL TO THESE THINGS?! Roll credits.*

Sad Jin *wakes up on beach* GAH Sunlight. It burns us. Where am I? Where is Toa? I need dragon girl loving and I need it now. Wait, she LEFT me in a Spiritual Field. Now I remember. Life sucks!

Gio I have the high ground and that makes me badass.

Sad Jin That’s the guy that took my girlfriend. He’s kinda cool now that he’s neither naked nor dragon, now that I think about it. Hey, where’d he get those clothes?

*Meanwhile at the ISDA Headquarters*

Howling Star God, I can’t believe I had to kill Spyritus! I mean, he was a really great guy! Well, when he wasn’t going berserk and eating people… but that was a one time thing! He was like my little brother! Oh gods, why did I have to kill my little brother! Even if he was never on screen, I still loved him, almost as much as I love Liner! Why, that time he kicked that puppy… oh gods why did I have to end his short, short life?

Makina Don’t cry, guy. Not your fault, it’s the fault of our mast-

Akira Hey! I’d never order you to kill someone!

Butler Thumb But we are completely bound to your orders, so pretty much anyone we kill is on your-

Loli WE WOULDN’T ORDER YOU TO KILL! We’re not jerks; that’s just Liner.

Liner Shut up, all of you. The ISDA bigwigs are at fault, not me. Heirarchy of orders says so. Anywho, current orders are to find Jin and Gio and subdue them… but in a friendly not-military-police kind of way.

*In the Gio Tube Room*

Angry Kazuki Grr… stupid Jin… he took away from me the only thing that mattered in my life! My dragon! My Gio! MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUS!

*Meanwhile, in Angry Man’s office. Yes, he has a revealed name, but I prefer to call him angry man*

Old Guy Spirytus was going around killing girls before this incident?

Yonamine You got it. Got a survivor and everything. Also, remember, I am freelance and offer blackmail insurance to all of my customers. Special rates for moronic secret organizations!

*Later, searching the island chain*

Loli Loli and Butler searching the water!

Liner Bishie and Gardragon searching the skies!

Akira Seme and Uke searching the land!

Angry Kazuki It CALLS to us… My… GIO… Filthy little Jinses! Wicked! TRICKSY! FALSE!

Akira Any reason Kazuki is acting like Gollum?

Liner Apparently he decided to try being someone else because he sucks so much.

Akira And THAT’S what he picked?

*Meanwhile, at the ISDA Headquarters*

Scientist Lady It’s nice and all that we’re trying to catch those scientifically worthless guys that messed everything up, but can we PLEASE search for Album? I needs to get my research itch scratched.

Sakaki Last I heard, Gio was naked and Jin is wussy enough to be naked as well by the time we find them. They’re top priority.

dioav.jpg Ok, we get it already, DTZ, can’t we just skip this scene entirely?

dtzav.bmp You forced me to cut back on the generic tsundereness of the Goth Loli. You won’t take away these two.

*Later, at the big ISDA Meeting*

Old Guy We will not reveal the nature of the Dragonauts to the public, regardless of the events that have occured. Instead, we will again blame this on Jin’s Dad because that worked well last time.

ISDA Suit Man: Even though people have seen dragons already? Well, smarter groups than us have done worse, so…

Garnet For some reason, I’m here too! Hey, Sakaki, go against your boss.

Garnet’s Breasts Do it! Do it!

Sakaki Yes, talking cleavage. I’d be happy to expose ourselves to the world if it will boost opinion of us.

Old Guy TRAITOR!

*Meanwhile, back on the beach*

Sad Jin My hand is a seive through which sand falls, much like the holes in my heart…

Gio Oh gods, just SHUT UP ALREADY. I’m sick of your poetry.

Sad Jin Oh alright. Say, where’d you get the clothes?

Gio I stole ‘em from some guy. He’s currently very naked and attempting to talk to fish. Much like you will be if you keep bugging me.

Sad Jin Well, I’m gonna keep bugging you anyway. Why’d you get in between me and my sexy dragon girlfriend?

Gio Because I was born to protect her, and that’s what I intend to do. No guy as wussy as you will so much as lay a finger on her.

Sad Jin So if I become more awesome you will let me hang out with her?

Gio Now I never said that.

*Silence… and then all of a sudden, background music.*

Sad Jin What the heck is that?

Gio What the heck is what?

Sad Jin It’s like a song started playing for no reason… hey, I know! It’s Toa! She’s on the moon!

Gio …Wanna run that by me one more time?

Sad Jin what, you can’t hear it? There’s singing. It’s Toa. She’s on the moon.

Gio …Kid, let’s learn a little something about physics. Space is a vacuum. Sound cannot travel through it.

Sad Jin Don’t care! Toa’s singing! She’s on the moon!

*Meanwhile, on the Moon*

Toa *Sings, cries*

*A little later, on the road*

Akira Machina, I just wanted to remind you that I would never tell you to kill someone.

Makina I thought that conversation was over OH DEAR PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING IN THE ROAD!

Akira It’s Jin and Gio!

Gio *With poor acting skills* Look, Jin. I have had it up to here. With your emo nonsense. I’m going to kill you. Now.

Scared Jin *Also with poor acting skills* Oh god, Gio. Please let go. I promise. I won’t suck. Anymore.

Akira Lucky! Time to catch the target! We get a bonus today, Machina!

Gio Good. The Dragonauts. Are here. Get this wimp. Out of my sight. I will come with. You.

Sad Jin Gio. You traitor. We were going. To go see Toa.

Akira Wow, it’s a good thing they hate each other now!

*Eyecatch*

*Meanwhile, in the skies*

Over the Radio: We’ve found Gio and Jin, come on home.

Kazuki Yaaaaaaay, Gio! Now I can ride my dragon!

*Later, at the ISDA Base*

Sakaki Well, I see you don’t remember anything. Send her to the Scientist Lady. Make sure she experiments on him in a room with a camera.

Gio I guess. I’ll cooperate.

*Meanwhile, in an interrogation room*

Akira Alright, Machina and I are going to play good cop, bad cop. Here’s a soda.

Sad Jin Don’t want it.

Akira Look, boy, I just want you to start talking.

Sad Jin Look, all I want is to see my girlfriend again.

Akira Well, I admit Toa is pretty hot… good reasoning.

*Meanwhile, in the hallway to experimentation*

Soldier A: Wow, it’s great that everything is going so swell today after we fucked things up yesterday!

Soldier B: It’s a good thing he’s so cooperative. I mean, he’s a dragon, he’d wipe the floor with us if he was so inclined.

Gio Correct! You win… a FREE BEATING! *Beats the shit out of the soldiers.* Well, that was fun. Time to wreak some havoc. I hope you remember the plan, Jin.

*Meanwhile, back in the interrogation Room*

Sad Jin Well, the fact that she’s hot is part of it, but also she’s the only girl in the world that ever liked me other than my sister.

Akira I see, I see, codependent love at first sight relationship. I understand, happens all the time.

*Silence… and then suddenly, Alarm goes off*

Akira What the deuce?

*Meanwhile, in the unguarded base power room*

Gio Havoc is so easy to bring forth when you’re infiltrating an idiot’s base.

*Meanwhile, on the Bridge*

Bridge Bunny A Sir! Gio is destroying important equipment! I’ll put him on the screen!

Sakaki And I’ll undress him with my eyes.

*Meanwhile, in the Hallway*

Akira Quick, Machina! We must sort this out… WAIT A SECOND!

Makina Yes, Mistress?

Akira Aw SHIT. Did we just get outsmarted by an emokid and a newly born dragon? DAMMIT. Machina, go on ahead, I’m going to make sure Jin doesn’t do anything funny.

*A few seconds later, in the Interrogation room*

Akira He ESCAPED?! I can understand a super powerful dragon managing to escape from two armed guards, but how did Jin escape from one?

Soldier C: Oh god… poetry… so painful…

Akira …I do believe our organization has hit a new low of patheticness.

*Meanwhile, in the hallway*

Serious Jin Gods, this was too easy! Now then, time to give an explanation for this bullshit. Go, flashback!

*Flashback to a few hours ago, back on the beach*

Gio No, seriously, there’s no fucking way you can know she’s on the moon.

Sad Jin And yet I just know it.

Gio Right, whatever. So since you seem so keen on going to the moon, I’ll take you there. But if she’s not there, I get to rip your head off and suck out the innards.

Serious Jin Fine by me. Either I leave this mortal coil or I find my hot girlfriend. Now, let’s make a plan to steal our way into space and make the ISDA look like total ninnies at the same time!

Gio I’m starting to like your thinking. Stay like this.

*Flashback over*

Serious Jin Now, how to break this password to this hangar… BAH, who cares, the only security system I bet they could afford is one that opens if you break the panel. *Breaks the password panel, Hangar Door opens.* Wow, it’s hard for a government run organization to be this stupid.

Akira Stop right there or I’ll shoot! How did you even know where to find this place?

Serious Jin You put the plans for your base up on the internet. Seriously, haven’t you ever heard about security?*Meanwhile in the hallway*

Soldiers: GAH DRAGONS ARE STRONG!

Gio Gah, humans are weak OHMYGODBREASTS. *Runs into elevator*

Makina *Gives chase*

*Meanwhile, in the hangar again*

Akira Now talk. How the hell is someone like you able to ride Gio.

Serious Jin I just want to see Toa. Leave me alone. And improve your security systems after I leave.

Akira No, seriously, you’ve not performed a Resonance, so you’re not his Master. How can you ride Gio?

Serious Jin Throwing out words I don’t know isn’t helping you convince me.

Akira Just answer the question.

Angry Jin It’s hard to answer questions when NO ONE FUCKING TELLS YOU ANYTHING.

Akira Reh?

Angry Jin Look, in the past two days, I’ve been attacked by monsters, captured MULTIPLE TIMES by you guys, spied upon, gained AND lost a girlfriend, and in general have not had a good time. To top it off, I have NO FUCKING CLUE as to why any of this is happening. MY FAMILY DIED TWO YEARS AGO AND NO ONE CARES, ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOU GUYS KEEP PUTTING THE BLAME FOR THAT ON MY DAD! So even if I DID know what the fuck you were talking about I would not be very inclined to talk!

Akira …Holy shit, he doesn’t know ANYTHING.

dioav.jpg Do you really need to have Jin rant like this every episode? It just keeps getting longer and longer, too.

dtzav.bmp You seem to have missed the fact that he DOES rant in every episode. I time his rants here for his rants in there. I AM trying to convey the story in the best way possible.

dioav.jpg Joke milking and dead horse beating?

dtzav.bmp YES.

*Meanwhile, on the elevator*

Gio This muzak sucks.

Makina NO U.

*Destruction occurs. Meanwhile, back in the hangar*

Angry Jin Now seriously, let me go and see my Girlfriend. She’ll be able to tell me more than you dumbasses here can.

Akira I take offense to being called a dumbass, kid! *Points gun*

*Elevator Shaft collapses*

Serious Jin Look, a distraction! *Steals truck* JUST AS PLANNED!

Akira Oh damn it all to hades!

*Meanwhile, outside ISDA Headquarters*

Gio FORM BLAZING SWORD! *Creates bitching sword*

Makina Hydro Pump! *Launches bursts of water*

Gio Gratuitous action sequences are neat.

Serious Jin *singing* I’m driving a truck… driving a big ol’ truck… petal to the medal hope I don’t run out of luck! Wearing feather boas with sequins and chaffon! Driving a truck WITH MY HIGH HEELS ON!

Akira *Clinging to side of the truck* I don’t know what’s worse, his driving or him singing that song.

Makina Hah, got your sword! Now, tell me, why aren’t you acting as Kazuki’s Dragon, even after having a resonance with him?

Gio You haven’t been paying attention to two very important pieces of information. One, I’m the badass loner, AND the coolest guy in the show, which means I don’t take orders from anyone. Two… KAZUKI. SUCKS.

Makina So, wait, you get free will? If I didn’t get treated so well by Akira I’d be jealous.

Serious Jin Autopilot set! Spacesuit and cockpit get! Time to jet!

Gio Are you done yet?

Makina You’re not getting away!

Gio Wait, Autopilot?

*Truck crashes through barrier, flies towards certain doom*

Gio DAMMIT JIN! CRUISE CONTROL IS NOT AUTOPILOT!

Akira OH GODS *Is caught by Machina* Oh, hello Airbags.

Gio Right then. No need for stock footage! TRANSFORM!

Gio-Dragon I’m back, bitches.

Serious Jin Alrighty, Truck, it’s been fun, but now I must go. FLING THE COCKPIT!

*Truck flings cockpit, thrusters fire, Jin lands it on Gio’s back*

Serious Jin Let’s goooooo!

Strong Bad Hang on, The Cheat! We’re blasting off to the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Akira …So wait. An astronaut school dropout and his friend dragon completely and totally outsmarted us. Dear gods, we really DO suck, don’t we? Machina, let’s make an effort to be more awesome than the rest of our colleages, shall we?

Makina Yes, mistress.

*Meanwhile, aboard the Gillard Army Sub*

Sub Helmsman: Herr Dominatrix! Gio is flying to the moon!

Garnet Well, then, let’s go after them. Mwahaha. Just as planned!

Sub Helmsman: So, seriously, what’s our plan again?

Garnet Mmmm… nope, not telling.

Garnet’s Breasts Can we come out and play?

Garnet Not now, you two! Wait till next episode!

*Meanwhile, in a seedy astronaut bar*

Angry Kazuki Damn that Jin! How dare he ignore my pain!

Astronaut A: Hey, look, it’s that sucky rookie Dragonaut!

Astronaut B: Yes, let’s mock him for his suckiness!

Angry Kazuki Leave me alone! All I want is for Gio to love me!

Astronaut C: Hell, let’s take him out back and beat the shit out of him!

Astronauts A&B: I’m game!

Widow I’m just sorta here. Playing the piano.

dioav.jpg Great, another character with no name and unnatural focus. Well, at least she’s in the opening.

*Meanwhile, flying into space*

Serious Jin Dad always said seeing Earth from space was life changing. Time to see what he means. *Sees earth from space.*

dioav.jpg And what happened then? Well in Emoville they say, that Jin’s emo heart grew three sizes that day.

Happy Jin I’m so happy, I could sing a song! *Sings* I’ll fly you to the moon and back… if you’ll be, if you’ll be my ba~by. Got a ticket for a world where we belong, so will you be my baby?

Gio-Dragon Four words, kid. Hard Vacuum Outside Window.

Scared Jin I’ll be good.

Gio-Dragon Right then, to the moon.

*Meanwhile, outside the seedy astronaut bar*

Angry Kazuki Oww… fists hurt my soft sensitive body…

Widow Hey, kid. Don’t cry, I’ll be your friend.

Angry Kazuki: Only if you help me get Gio back.

dtzav.bmp Now, see, if Kazuki had a brain, he’d take the hot voluptuous dragon girl. But no. He wants Gio. So while I do scream at the prospect of Kazuki EVER having anything good happen to him, I can accept this still. Because in the end, he still sucks. We’ll see you next time, folks!