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This week, we shall be taking a long, indepth look at Shining Tears X Wind episode 4 for the WTF, since the entire freaking episode needs to be examined.


By the power of innuendo, I have a big sword!

Before we go into the episode in depth, let’s do a primer course on the funniest concept of the entire show, Soul Blades.

Soul Bladers are people, apparently all from the modern day, who have gained the ability to make swords from the hearts of people who “they share the same feeling with.” In other words, we get guys pulling swords out of the bodies of girls. Sounds vaguely hot even from the description, but look at these images of the girls in question from the opening theme.

OH
OH
MY
MY
DEAR
DEAR
GOD.
GOD.

Forget innuendo, these girls need cigarettes. So this whole “sword in girl” thing seems to be nothing more than a sex metaphor. Or, at least, I can make that theory, and use it to say horrible things about a show. Right, on with the show!

Events in show may not have actually occured as I said. All screencaps are real, with no shuffling of images to create false scenes.
Our main character is Souma, some random white haired high school student who has had it rough in the last few episodes. Although he ended up alone in another world with the girl he loved, it didn’t matter because she loved another. After a few tantrums, he technically ‘gave up’ gracefully, losing the girl and the sword he could get from her.

So, heartbroken and frustrated, our hero tried to take on an entire town of guards on his own, and ended up blown up for his efforts. Or not. But soon he would wish he had.

Save by a random two color wing Bishie, he finds himself forced into marriage with him.


First the bishie confuses him with random statements, and then….


Oh No! Souma has been faked out, and the ring is on! He’s been wed!

“DO NOT WANT!”

Unable to break the powerful fangirl magics that command the ring, Souma’s spirit breaks as he realizes his fate as the sex toy of a winged maniac. At the suggestion of the other, Souma agrees to go on a long, private journey with the Bishie’s personal lizardman, and some random innocent cleric girl.

In the meantime, all of Souma’s old ‘friends’ meet up with someone else they once knew. Their classmate has become an evil emperor bent on taking over the world. Sure, why not. He also has become VERY active, having at least one girl he uses as a Soul Blade. But despite that, his actions are….suspect. I swear this is the sequence of shots in the show.


“Fire my massive cannon as I gesture with a limp wrist!”

Back in Souma’s world of debauchery and evil, he and his odd new companions find themselves fighting zombies. Sure, why not. But they are accosted by a rather psychotic guy, and then joined by Emperor pointless. He got halfway across the country very quickly. And now, Souma is to witness something truely horrifying, beyond all reason. (well, im overselling that some, but its funny, right?)


Some would say that this weakens the “sex” metaphor of the soul blades. Me? I say it makes it WORSE.

Emperor Eyeglasses seems to be quite promiscuous. He has at least one willing girl, and now hes playing swordfight with his male lieutenant here.

But as Souma falls into despair, an amazing thing happens. The quiet cleric girl offers herself to him. (seriously. If i could embed video, id do that, this sequence is so hysterically sexual its almost not funny. Instead, have some pictures.)


“It’s my first time….”

“I’ll be gentle.”

From this, he pulls the mighty blade seen in the opening image. The moral of the story is: “Virgins get Souma off.” apparently.

To sum up, our hero gets married to a bishonen, dragged around by some lizard guy, comes up against the most endlessly loose man in existance, and defeats him and his male lover with the power of sex! Ok, what? I think I speak for all of us, about this series, when I say “WHAT THE F***?!”

Join us next week, when we learn how two WOMEN can produce a soul blade, and they sell it on a pay website!