Thu 17 Jul 2008
Hey, Dio, been keeping up with the summer season much? I know we’re both really in to Slayers Revolution, but I don’t think you’ve looked at much others.
There is no Sekirei… there is no Sekirei, there is no Sekirei…
That’s about what I expected. Well, I’ve only checked out two other series, but I’ve enjoyed what I’ve seen. Birdy the Mighty Decode is actually alot better than I was expecting, and World Destruction, well… it’s just silly. But in a fun way.
Fun is good!
So, what do you want to check out first?
Lets go with the absurd one. Do you realize HOW silly it is?
Of course, I’ve seen it. It’s a video game anime, and while it isn’t as stupid off the bat as Shining Tears X Wind and it isn’t as completely retarded as Dragonaut, it really feels like it’s begging to be Thumbnailed. The world is completely absurd, despite having actually likable main characters. I really like that the two leads are voiced by Maaya Sakamoto and Mamoru Miyano, because it means that Fujioka Haruhi has become a badass wielding a huge doublebladed sword and Suoh Tamaki a hapless idiot dragged along on a crazy adventure to destroy the world.
So, we’re going to keep up with this one, right? Not happy we gave up on Emonaut, we missed some great gags.
Correct! We shall not fall behind on this! Ladies, Gentlemen and anthromorphs, I give you, episode one of our newest Thumbnail Theatre, World Confusion!
I give it two eps before we blow it.
Intro Card: So um, kay, the world’s covered with sand, and Beastmen rule over humans. This totally is not a rip off of Gurren Lagann’s premise, trust us.
Behold, my awesome cloaked entrance! So dramatic. Ooooo, sandsea.
*Meanwhile, in a Bar*
There are two kinds of heroes. Those who go out and actually do stuff, and those who sit in bars making cryptic comments about types of heroes.
But where do the cuddly ones come into play?
Just give me another whiskey.
Sure thing, Teddy.
*Meanwhile, in a Restaurant*
Oh look, a wanted poster for the World Destruction Committee that has apparently only one member. By the way, I’m a catboy.
Chef: I know, you won’t stop telling me. Just deliver the freaking food to all the weird animal people.
Yessir! Definitely not a human! These cat ears prove it! Here’s your Sand Tuna that looks like a jellyfish, miss!
Why is it covered in sand?
We make our sauces from the finest sand. It covers the world, ya know.
And didn’t I order Sand-Whale?
Whoops, my mistake! Oh well, to err is catboy, as they say. Did I mention I’m a catboy?
Hey, don’t I have a part in this show?
No, shut up and let me eat.
NO ONE expects the bird mask inquisition!
Dammit all! Can’t a wanted fugitive get a quiet bite to eat ANYWHERE?
Holy crapola, that’s a huge fuckoff Bat’leth AND IT’S RIGHT AT MY THROAT!
Wow, she drops her disguise quicker each time we bust in on her. She doesn’t even wait to be discovered anymore.
Alright, listen up, I’m the World Destruction Committee! Let me go or I’ll kill this obvious catboy!
Noooooo! My clever disguise catears have fallen off!
Or he could be a furry…
A FURRY! Being a human is bad enough, but dressing up as one of us is just wrong! GET THEM!
*Actually fairly awesome opening theme plays*
DYNAMIC EXIT THROUGH THE WALL!
Wait for me, scary girl with the huge sword who just threatened to kill me!
*Meanwhile, Back in the Bar*
Look, how many times do I have to goad you into actually being a Hero’s Guild Detective like you claim to be? The World Destruction Committee is running amok. Don’t you have cool badass heroism to respond to that?
No, help my sister! I’ve got money!
The kid makes a compelling argument, barkeep. One more for the road.
*Meanwhile, at a very Cat-ty Castle*
Lord Nekoshi, stop acting so much like a Cat and listen to my report. Some World Destroying chick is causing a ruckus in the town.
HISSSSSSSSSSS! There can only be one solution… RANDOM SACRIFICE OF SMALL GIRLS!
Before your three o clock appointment for a buttscratch, sir, or after?
*Meanwhile, in a forest outside of town*
So… do you cause riots often?
Don’t try to weasel your way out of explaining things! I’m the one with the unwieldy supersword! Now, explain the cat ears!
You can get alot of money pretending to be a beast person…
EW EW EW TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
No, I mean, working at restaurants. They don’t allow humans to work, ya know. I’m willing to break common decency laws to get a few bucks.
You’re NOT helping your case.
Well, anyway, time to exposit. You’re Morte, the single 17 year old member of the World Destruction Committee, right?
Hey! Observe my unproportional reaction to my age! And it’s not clear if there are any other members of the committee, even to me.
Well, anyway, I’m Kirie. I mostly bumble my way through life. It’s not easy, but at least I’m somehow still alive. Sooooo, why do they call you the World Destruction Committee?
No idea. But it sounds cool, so I run with it. Look over there!
PLEASE DON’T KILL ME I’M JUST A LITTLE GIRL!
Don’t worry. We’re not suspicious at all. Ignore my frightened demeanor and her big implement of death.
Hey, have you seen my brother? He’s a dopey kid who stole money from my piggy bank and said something about finding a teddy bear.
Hi, I’m a jerk. Linam, don’t talk to strangers. But they said they’re not suspicious.
That’s right! We’re humans, just like you.
Seriously, not suspicious at all!
How nice for you. How about we treat you to some food? (Mwahahaha.)
*Later, in the village*
All the more sand for me, then!
What the hell do we drink, anyways?
So, I’ve nowhere to go. But I like this place, they have good sand. Whatcha gonna do tomorrow?
Try to destroy the world.
Wait, I thought you said you didn’t know why they called you the World Destruction Committee.
Well, yes. I mean, how can I be a committee?
A fair point. But how can you destroy the world?
I’ll ask this magic eight ball.
All signs point to no.
Neat, can I see?
All signs point to R’yleh.
Your Magic Eight Ball is full of tentacles and eyeballs.
Don’t touch that.
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
It does that sometimes. Now, I have to be angsty. Dramatically telling you to leave and save your- oh, you’re asleep.
*Meanwhile, in the Elder’s house*
Now we don’t have to sacrifice anyone else in the village. We’ll hand over that huge intimidating woman. No one will miss her.
Townsfolk: Elder, are you nuts?! That weapon’s half as big as she is!
But so long as she at the food we drugged, she’s harmless.
Elder, you’re a big meanie!
Would YOU prefer being eaten by the cat’s god, little girl?
*And now, for your eyecatch pleasure, random little girl and insane catthing*
*Later that night*
Alright, where’s the virgin sacrifice, old man?
One virgin, coming right up!
*In the hut*
Townsfolk 1: Aw crap, the girl got away and left a poorly made mannequin to fool us!
Townsfolk 2: Well, at least there’s this idiot. No idea if he’s the right kind of virgin, but I don’t know how to check. Help me wrap him up.
Blissfully unaware my bad day is getting worse!
*On the Sandsea*
My Sandboat is AWESOME!
*In the forest again*
Hold it RIGHT THERE oh it’s just you, little girl. Thanks for the grub. Remember, sneaking off in the middle of the night and leaving behind a tied decoy is not suspicious at all.
Oh no! If you’re here, that means your friend is gonna be sacrificed instead!
I could continue being heartless… but no, that doesn’t really fit me. Lead the way.
*At the sacrificial Pit*
Cat! We’re kitty cats! And we dance dance dance, and we dance dance dance!
I like turkey, I like liver, Meow mix, meow mix, please deliver!
Oooga chaka oooga chaka oooga chaka! I CAN’T STOP THIS FEEEEEEEEEELING! DEEP INSIDE OF MEEEEEEEEEEEE~!
Never gonna GIVE YOU UP, never gonna LET YOU DOWN, never gonna RUN AROUND and DESERT YOU!
ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I’M UP! JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! Ooooo, sacrificial virgin. My favorite.
Yawn… what a nap… huh. Those are new.
FEED ME, SEYMOUR!
HOLY CRAP! IT’S A PIRANHA PLANT! AND IT’S EATEN THE ANIMATION BUDGET!
OH GOD, NOT THE SCRUFF OF MY NECK!
Now then, have you seen a hapless idiot around here?
That answers that. Down you go.
AHHHHHHH! Wait, is that sacrifice a guy-
A cat is fine too! *NOM*
Help! It’s eating him! And then it’s going to eat me! Oh my gooooooooooooooooooooood!
I’m more badass than Mario! Watch me jump effortlessly and harmlessly on the Piranha Plant’s head!
I’ve come to kick ass and return the animation budget. But I see we’re all out of budget.
DAMMIT ALL! First I can’t eat, then I can’t save someone heroically! How’d they even find us, anyway?
You don’t exactly do incognito well. Mind helping me out of this cloak? My arms are sorta tied.
Not now, stupid. They’ve stopped firing their guns. Time to fight.
I’M A BEAR! *Badass rip tear through World Savior Committee*
Watch me kick your asses one at a time! Please line up for your complimentary beatings!
Shouldn’t we, you know, attack all at once? There’s like 15 of us standing around doing nothing.
NO. MOOKS DON’T USE TACTICS.
But we DO use hostages!
Ummm… it happened again…
DEAR GOD are you ever useless.
Wait, those Piranha plants are just arms of a huge Octorok? I think Nintendo’s gonna sue.
WHY DOES EVERYTHING WANT ME DEAD.
HERE I COME, TO SAVE THE DAY! *Stabs big monster with tiny knife*
How’s that, fair maiden? Pretty Gar for a bear dontcha think?
Oh look, bread. So that’s how I had boobs.
Wait, what the?
Even beastmen have joined the World Destruction Committee, despite that making no sense! FIRE!
Where did my luck just go?
HOLD IT! I have a World Destroying MacGuffin and I’m not afraid to use it! Fear the Magic Eight Ball of DOOM!
Ask again later.
DAMN YOU MAGIC EIGHT BALL OF DOOM.
Quick, before she asks another question!
Maybe I should try asking something.
YOU’VE GOT THE TOUCH! YOU’VE GOT THE POWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *glows, creates an earthquake*
I don’t think destroying the world is what they meant with “Light our darkest hour,” Magic Eight Ball!
Let’s get out of here! Watch me sand surf on my sword!
WE ARE SQUASHED.
*A little later*
Soooo, if we know exactly how to use this thing, it can destroy the world. Neato.
Right. But it shouldn’t glow all the time. So hand it over.
I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD! *laughtrack* SO I CAN DESTROY IT! *laughtrack*
It also really shouldn’t do that. *Takes*
I think it likes me!
Thank you so much for saving my sister!
Thank you, people who want to destroy everything and everyone we’ve ever known!
That’s cute kids. Kirie? We’re leaving before the waterworks come.
But that’s not your sandboat!
JE SUIS UN BEAR! *kicks Kirie* IT’S MY BOAT!
And we’re taking it. Besides, you’ve been recruited to our little world annihilation scheme by the powers that be. Nice to meetcha.
DAMMIT! Leave me to narrate… so there’s apparently a third kind of hero as well… the kind that the world hates. Like Exalted.
*That about wraps up the first episode. Join us next time for more WORLD CONFUSION!*