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I can assure you, Santa had it coming.

I can assure you, Santa had it coming.

Hayate the Combat Butler is a story about a boy whose luck… sucks. His parents are money-squandering dolts, he just got fired from his job because he’s underage, and to top it all off, Santa won’t bring him presents because he’s poor. He’s lived his life diligently and honestly, only to be continually reminded that fortune favors the ruthless.

And then, his parents leave him with a 156,804,000 Yen Debt, and he’s forced to a life of crime.

Or he would have if he didn’t suck so much at it.

Now he’s stuck paying off his debt by working as a butler for the girl he failed to kidnap, only to save her from a separate kidnapping.


So far, Hayate the Combat Butler has been worth all the hype surrounding it. I probably should stop watching it raw, as most of the humor is verbal, but the sight gags are thankfully universal, and I do catch some things.

Honestly, with no clue where this series is going, all I can do right now is talk about characters. Not that I mind.

Ayasaki Hayate

“What kind of person is this Ayasaki Hayate?”
“Someone who can catch up to a car speeding at 120km/h on a bycycle and can withstand being run over by said car.”

If Hayate were a pencil and paper role playing character, it’d be very easy to tell what kind of player made him. A min/maxer who takes delight in watching his characters suffer. Hayate has insane physical strength, dexterity and constitution, as well as a little intelligence (mostly due to his lack of a fourth wall,) and quite possibly the most diverse skillset you’ll ever see. However, it’s pretty obvious he put no points into Wisdom, as Hayate makes some fairly painful blunders in the first two episodes. He’s also got a rather prominent flaw in terms of Luck. In other words, shit happens to him an awful lot.

In short, it sucks to be Hayate.

To be cursed with amazing physical capabilities but having no luck and no common sense? Not to mention of all the characters he seems to be the one who most often forgets the existence of the Fourth Wall. Ironically, he’s also the only character I’ve seen thus far to acknowledge Ten no Koe.

Not to forget that his parents are jerks and his Spirit Guide Santa is a total asshole.

Only time will tell what will happen to this world’s punching bag, but for now, it’s safe to say that shit will continue to happen to poor Hayate.

Sanzenin Nagi

“Oh dear, she’s getting kidnapped again.”

A good match for Hayate, I must say. Not only is she just as dense as Hayate, she has about the same luck (Maria’s comments on her getting kidnapped “again” in the first episode allude to something of a pattern.) Seems to exist to misinterpret Hayate’s already unintelligible statements, and fluster her poor maid.


I feel for you, Maria. Sometimes, I too feel as though I am a tsukkomi in a world of boke. But hang in there, kid. I’m sure you’ll be able to keep everything sane… hopefully.

Ten no Koe

Our wonderfully sarcastic and bastardly narrator, voiced by Norio Wakamoto, famous for such brilliant roles as Chiyochichi (Azumanga Daioh), Victoreem (Konjiki no Gash Bell) and Mechazawa (Cromartie High School). When Maria isn’t around, Ten no Koe takes on the role of tsukkomi for her pointing out the amazing idiocies of our cast as well as continually harping on the TV Tokyo network censors.

Needless to say, Ten no Koe is my hero.


Is an asshole. Nothing more needs to be said. Jerk.

Next time: Tigers and Robots and Butlers, oh my!